White House News Photographers Assoc.
As you do! Hmph, still persisting in calling that stupid splishy splash an Olympic sport.
*spits*
*spits in pool*
*sighs*
*drinks vodka*
*urinates in pool*
*vodka again* x 5
*falls in pool*
*waves from the bottom*
*wonders if he’s being hypocritical now*
- Lucky Boris Yeltsin is Drowning (not waving)!
Boris is where every leader of the free-spending world is this week: the UN Climate Change Summit in Bali. And not a moment too soon…
A sensational lunatic has joined the Summit – the 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley. Viscount Monckton is here to spread his anti-climate science propaganda – including littering the negotiators’ tables with shit-sheets before plenary sessions (see below flyer liberated from the Australian delegation’s desk – I hope they appreciate it…).
Monckton was a policy adviser to Margaret Thatcher – but also describes himself as an international business consultant, writer and inventor. Monckton claims that concern about the anthropogenic causes of global warming is simply a controversy catalyzed by “the need of the international left for a new flag to rally round” following the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989.
In addition to his snake oil science, he also has some special views on addressing the HIV/AIDS epidemic. How do we confront the greatest humanitarian crisis of our time? In an article entitled “The Myth of Heterosexual AIDS”, Mi’lord Monckton said: “there is only one way to stop AIDS. That is to screen the entire population regularly and to quarantine all carriers of the disease for life. Every member of the population should be blood-tested every month … all those found to be infected with the virus, even if only as carriers, should be isolated compulsorily, immediately, and permanently.”
Nice one, fucknuts. I hope you get cholera.
You are so
Lucky Boris Yelstin is Dead.
Itsa lonely on the election trail!
The English country gentleman galloping after a fox.
The unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.
-Oscar Wilde
school sucks.
Above: Diana: Princess of Zombies captured by the The Sizemore McCabe Project
I mean, really… how long can we keep flogging this dead horse princess? Isn’t it about time the dark, dark powers of the underworld caved in to this incessant demand and send her back up? I, for one, would welcome her unholy return and perhaps even blow a trumpet as she eats the brains of the very people that have been starfucking her corpse since 1997! All hail the Zombie Princess Diana!
This year marked the 10th anniversary of her death, a fab reason, don’t you think, to release 15 more Di-related books. This includes: Diana the Angel, Diana the Manipulator, Diana the Maker of Kings and Diana the Destroyer of the Monarchy (sounds like they were inspired by Conan the Barbarian movies).
My favourite, A Dress for Diana, is a $2,000 limited-edition coffee-table book about the princess’s wedding dress containing a swatch from the leftover silk. What excellent value for money! The publishers apparently have been quoted as saying:
“this isn’t just a book … [it's] an opportunity to become part of that magical day … to take a step closer to the woman who is still alive to so many throughout the world … [to] join that shy girl as she made her hesitant way down the aisle.”
OH MY GOD! What tripe! SHE’S DEAD OK!!? Get over it! You’re never going to be a princess, stop dreaming, stop living vicariously through her - it’s weirding me out! Don’t you remember? The story doesn’t have a ‘happily ever after’! Lucky, it’s not you! (Shame it’s not you)
You’re lucky it’s Boris Yeltsin!
Post-Mortem: For the record I’m neither for nor against the woman herself. Unless she’s does return zombie-style! That would be so very cool.
The new Australian Citizenship Test kicks off next week. And it’s tough. The test asks questions like: What is a Bill? What is Australia’s floral emblem? What is the responsibility of every Australian? Who is Sir Donald Bradman? Try the practice test for yourself here.
It strikes us here at LBYiD! that these questions don’t necessarily reflect what it means to be truly Oz. So, along with every other chump with a keyboard, we’ve drafted…5 Questions That Should Be Asked On The New Citizenship Test…
1. Shane Warne is:
(a) a cricket player
(b) a legend
(c) a bloody legend - CORRECT
(d) a misogynist dumb-shit
2. The correct place to store your Winnie Blues is:
(a) your pocket
(b) tucked into the sleeve of your t-shirt
(c) your school bag
(d) your nappy bag - CORRECT
3. Australia’s national anthem is:
(a) Khe Sahn - CORRECT
(b) Aussie, Aussie, Aussie…Oi Oi Oi [repeats] - CORRECT
(c) Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours. With a little understanding, you can find a perfect blend. Neighbours, should be there for one another. That’s when good neighbours become good friends. [er...also CORRECT]
(d) Advance Australia Fair - CLEARLY WRONG. GO HOME.
4. Australia’s Prime Minister is:
(a) John Howard
(b) Peter Costello
(07) Kevin Rudd
(d) a c*nt
[this is clearly a trick question as there are several correct answers]
5. Which of the following groups of people should not be allowed to enter Australia:
(a) Muslims
(b) Asians
(c) Aborigines
(d) Poofters
(e) all of the above - CORRECT. CITIZENSHIP GRANTED. GO STRAIGHT TO PUB.
Lucky Boris Yeltsin is Dead!
* Boris does actually give a shit about cricket. But he’s Russian. And drunk.
More barrel-fish shooting over here at LBYiD!, to counter Lib’s propaganda machine, which seems to be in overdrive at the moment. You may have noticed their moronic “Be Climate Clever” ads making your TV feel dirty. We hope you’re not buying the ol’ green-washed uranium mining / nuclear energy lobby line they’re pushing! Read “Is nuclear power part of Australia’s global warming solutions?” by Professor Ian Lowe AO, ACF President, to hear an opposing view.
To summarise (in case you’re lazy like me):
Boris wouldn’t stand for it, I suppose that’s why Howard (that worm!) thinks:
Lucky Boris Yeltsin is Dead!
Photo courtesy of Michal Brcak.
While I know that complaining about government advertising is like shooting fish in a barrel, the Australian Government has been bringing us some Gold Logie-winning material of late.
Take, for example, the new Workplace Authority commercials. Having abandoned a campaign that saw senior public servants shaking their cans to promote WorkChoices (and abandoning the separation of powers, the protections accorded by an independent civil service and good taste), the Workplace Authority is now pimping the Howard government’s industrial legislation like some diseased hooker by having two “mates” discuss the new fairness test in the most natural of settings: the pub.
So, in the spirit of some esteem-building fish-shooting, Lucky Boris Yeltsin is Dead! brings you… The Top 5 Reasons The Workplace Authority’s “Two Mates in a Pub” Commercials are Unconvincing, Uncompelling and Downright Stupid:
Is anyone else thirsty?
Lucky Boris Yeltsin is Dead!
