Archive for the 'Stupid Consumer' Category

28
Oct
08

Keith Richards prostitutes himself for fascist fashionistas

Keith Richards the Louis Vuitton High Class Hooker

Keith Richards the Louis Vuitton High Class Hooker

You are not hallucinating comrade. I had to look twice at huge billboard like this in the city, where new store is soon to be opening its doors. Louis Vuitton is pimping high class prostitute – Keith Richards.

My interweb research informs me he’s donating his fee to Al Gore’s Climate Project.

A good cause ya? But does that make it Ok? Does it forgive this monumental sellout? The real caption to the above image will make you vomit in your mouth… are you ready?

“Some journeys cannot be put into words. New York. 3 am. Blues in C.”

I like polka, and not keen on young people music, but Richards is considered a potent male celebrity of some substantial dirty-rock-rebel-legend status ya? Like a pirate ya? Sadly now, he’s saying it’s ok to buy this overpriced French crap. Not very “pirate-rock”, Richards!

I don’t know which is worst though: more people buying $1,000+ handbags and thinking they are a little more grungy-rock-cool (instead of dickheads – it’s just a bag for christsakes!) or; the Vuitton brand thinking people will ‘buy’ this newfound rock sensibility. Yeah Frenchy Vuitton execs I’m sure you are the real deal, just rocking out in your filthy, luxury, yachts o’ rock all the time! But I betchya stupid consumers will bite, chew and swallow it. God, how I hate those people!

According to French author, Stephanie Bonvicini, Louis Vuitton also bought the Nazi’s favour by actively supporting their puppet Vichy regime in France during WWII. I wonder if they gave their countrymen  matching luggage as they were being sent to concentration camps in Germany?

Now watch this painful video of “Rolling Stones Richards” prostituting himself in hotel room for Louis Vuitton the “King of bags”.

Lucky Boris Yeltsin is Dead!

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08
Oct
08

George Lucas: making slavery sexy… again!

Thanks George. Princess Leia awoke me from the slumbers of childhood innocence. Important. I loved your shit… and then the prequals came out and I think you ham-fisted it. Then the animated clone wars movie stole a good hour from my life I’ll never get back, and now this: Secret Wishes Princess Leia Slave Costume.

I just want to go back to sleep. Don’t get me wrong – I still think it / she is sexy but now there’s two big ‘buts’…

But… #1

Hopefully some of you are waking up to the fact that slavery still exists in the world today. It’s not cool. George however begs to differ, he’s going against the grain. George is back to flogging that good ol’ trusty, dead horse of merchandising called ‘Return of the Jedi’ by endorsing this Halloween (or other ‘special occasion’) get up. Slavery just isn’t as tasteful as it was in 1986.

But… #2

The not-Carrie-Fisher-girls just can’t pull it off. What’s funny and sad is there are girls who actually buy and wear the Princess Leia Slave outfit. Who knows why… maybe in the hopes of snaring a rich Star Wars geek at a comic Book convention (Exhibit A). Maybe there are more geek girls than I thought. Maybe “only in America!”.

May I also present girl with low self esteem awesomeness (via the really switched on guys down at the Hollywood Internet Cafe)  as Exhibit B?

and may the force be with you god bless you in Exhibit C:

So back to this rad merching venture of slave bikinis which btw go for US$55. I wonder how much of that goes to George. I hope a big fistful. Obviously the bikinis are only available in sizes extra small through to medium. What George is saying here is:

NO FAT CHICKS SLAVE PRINCESS LEIAS!

Have to protect the integrity of the brand you see. I’m sure you understand. To be a Princess Leia slave girl you have to be thin like Melissa, in the very embeddable videos you’ve just watched (again I can’t thank the cool dudes at Hollywood Internet Cafe enough for their Cinéma vérité genius).

Good news is George can’t stop you from being ugly, old or stupid! So yeah, ‘stay on target’ fat geek girls. Diet for your right to wear chains and embarrass your gender and yourselves in front of tens of my readers!

~ Lucky Boris Yeltsin Is Dead! (A long time ago In a galaxy far far away)

Epilogue

Ok I couldn’t resist one more video of Melissa pulling some sexy, sultry shapes whilst looking good and speaking the wisest of truths imaginable about slavery:

Also put your 3D glasses on…

now!

One more thing George, I have to concur with Darth_Snook who in this forum asks: Misogynist much?

Ok, the post is over now. Back to your cars.

27
Sep
07

I really, really wish Princess Diana would come back from the dead.

Above: Diana: Princess of Zombies captured by the The Sizemore McCabe Project

I mean, really… how long can we keep flogging this dead horse princess? Isn’t it about time the dark, dark powers of the underworld caved in to this incessant demand and send her back up? I, for one, would welcome her unholy return and perhaps even blow a trumpet as she eats the brains of the very people that have been starfucking her corpse since 1997! All hail the Zombie Princess Diana!

This year marked the 10th anniversary of her death, a fab reason, don’t you think, to release 15 more Di-related books. This includes: Diana the Angel, Diana the Manipulator, Diana the Maker of Kings and Diana the Destroyer of the Monarchy (sounds like they were inspired by Conan the Barbarian movies).

My favourite, A Dress for Diana, is a $2,000 limited-edition coffee-table book about the princess’s wedding dress containing a swatch from the leftover silk. What excellent value for money! The publishers apparently have been quoted as saying:

“this isn’t just a book … [it’s] an opportunity to become part of that magical day … to take a step closer to the woman who is still alive to so many throughout the world … [to] join that shy girl as she made her hesitant way down the aisle.”

OH MY GOD! What tripe! SHE’S DEAD OK!!? Get over it! You’re never going to be a princess, stop dreaming, stop living vicariously through her – it’s weirding me out! Don’t you remember? The story doesn’t have a ‘happily ever after’! Lucky, it’s not you! (Shame it’s not you)

You’re lucky it’s Boris Yeltsin!

Post-Mortem: For the record I’m neither for nor against the woman herself. Unless she’s does return zombie-style! That would be so very cool.