Archive for the 'Complaints' Category

08
Oct
08

George Lucas: making slavery sexy… again!

Thanks George. Princess Leia awoke me from the slumbers of childhood innocence. Important. I loved your shit… and then the prequals came out and I think you ham-fisted it. Then the animated clone wars movie stole a good hour from my life I’ll never get back, and now this: Secret Wishes Princess Leia Slave Costume.

I just want to go back to sleep. Don’t get me wrong – I still think it / she is sexy but now there’s two big ‘buts’…

But… #1

Hopefully some of you are waking up to the fact that slavery still exists in the world today. It’s not cool. George however begs to differ, he’s going against the grain. George is back to flogging that good ol’ trusty, dead horse of merchandising called ‘Return of the Jedi’ by endorsing this Halloween (or other ‘special occasion’) get up. Slavery just isn’t as tasteful as it was in 1986.

But… #2

The not-Carrie-Fisher-girls just can’t pull it off. What’s funny and sad is there are girls who actually buy and wear the Princess Leia Slave outfit. Who knows why… maybe in the hopes of snaring a rich Star Wars geek at a comic Book convention (Exhibit A). Maybe there are more geek girls than I thought. Maybe “only in America!”.

May I also present girl with low self esteem awesomeness (via the really switched on guys down at the Hollywood Internet Cafe)  as Exhibit B?

and may the force be with you god bless you in Exhibit C:

So back to this rad merching venture of slave bikinis which btw go for US$55. I wonder how much of that goes to George. I hope a big fistful. Obviously the bikinis are only available in sizes extra small through to medium. What George is saying here is:

NO FAT CHICKS SLAVE PRINCESS LEIAS!

Have to protect the integrity of the brand you see. I’m sure you understand. To be a Princess Leia slave girl you have to be thin like Melissa, in the very embeddable videos you’ve just watched (again I can’t thank the cool dudes at Hollywood Internet Cafe enough for their Cinéma vérité genius).

Good news is George can’t stop you from being ugly, old or stupid! So yeah, ‘stay on target’ fat geek girls. Diet for your right to wear chains and embarrass your gender and yourselves in front of tens of my readers!

~ Lucky Boris Yeltsin Is Dead! (A long time ago In a galaxy far far away)

Epilogue

Ok I couldn’t resist one more video of Melissa pulling some sexy, sultry shapes whilst looking good and speaking the wisest of truths imaginable about slavery:

Also put your 3D glasses on…

now!

One more thing George, I have to concur with Darth_Snook who in this forum asks: Misogynist much?

Ok, the post is over now. Back to your cars.

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29
Sep
08

McDonalds Horror Story

McDonalds Hamburger Horror

McDonalds Hamburger Horror

The McDonalds Hamburger on the right: 2008. The same McDonalds hamburger on the left: 1996!

Wellness educator and nutrition consultant Karen Hanrahan has kept a McDonald’s hamburger since 1996 to illustrate its nonexistent ability to decay. Aside from drying out and bit and having “the oddest smell,” it apparently hasn’t changed much in the past 12 years.

AN OPEN LETTER TO RONALD MCDONALD

Dear Ronald.

American arse clown! What are you doing to our intestines? And boy how we heard about it  from you self righteous yanky blue jeans, when Chernobyl melted. How is this any different? In fact it’s much worst. Subtly you are poisoning the whole planet with those preservative packed patties. Not to mention all the other hate crimes you are committing onto man, the animals and the earth.

FAIL!

With all my heart I wish you dead clown.

Choke on the crap you peddle to the masses of poor ignoramouses

Sincerely,

Lucky Boris Yeltsin Is Dead!

P.S: It’s good when you’re drunk though hey?

18
Dec
07

Some kind of two dimensional Chinese synchronised swimmers?

White House News Photographers Assoc.

As you do! Hmph, still persisting in calling that stupid splishy splash an Olympic sport.

*spits*

*spits in pool*

*sighs*

*drinks vodka*

*urinates in pool*

*vodka again* x 5

*falls in pool*

*waves from the bottom*

*wonders if he’s being hypocritical now*

– Lucky Boris Yeltsin is Drowning (not waving)!

08
Dec
07

Every circus needs a freak

Boris is where every leader of the free-spending world is this week: the UN Climate Change Summit in Bali. And not a moment too soon…

A sensational lunatic has joined the Summit – the 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley. Viscount Monckton is here to spread his anti-climate science propaganda – including littering the negotiators’ tables with shit-sheets before plenary sessions (see below flyer liberated from the Australian delegation’s desk – I hope they appreciate it…).

Monckton was a policy adviser to Margaret Thatcher – but also describes himself as an international business consultant, writer and inventor. Monckton claims that concern about the anthropogenic causes of global warming is simply a controversy catalyzed by “the need of the international left for a new flag to rally round” following the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989.

In addition to his snake oil science, he also has some special views on addressing the HIV/AIDS epidemic. How do we confront the greatest humanitarian crisis of our time? In an article entitled “The Myth of Heterosexual AIDS”, Mi’lord Monckton said: “there is only one way to stop AIDS. That is to screen the entire population regularly and to quarantine all carriers of the disease for life. Every member of the population should be blood-tested every month … all those found to be infected with the virus, even if only as carriers, should be isolated compulsorily, immediately, and permanently.”

Nice one, fucknuts. I hope you get cholera.

You are so

Lucky Boris Yelstin is Dead.

27
Sep
07

I really, really wish Princess Diana would come back from the dead.

Above: Diana: Princess of Zombies captured by the The Sizemore McCabe Project

I mean, really… how long can we keep flogging this dead horse princess? Isn’t it about time the dark, dark powers of the underworld caved in to this incessant demand and send her back up? I, for one, would welcome her unholy return and perhaps even blow a trumpet as she eats the brains of the very people that have been starfucking her corpse since 1997! All hail the Zombie Princess Diana!

This year marked the 10th anniversary of her death, a fab reason, don’t you think, to release 15 more Di-related books. This includes: Diana the Angel, Diana the Manipulator, Diana the Maker of Kings and Diana the Destroyer of the Monarchy (sounds like they were inspired by Conan the Barbarian movies).

My favourite, A Dress for Diana, is a $2,000 limited-edition coffee-table book about the princess’s wedding dress containing a swatch from the leftover silk. What excellent value for money! The publishers apparently have been quoted as saying:

“this isn’t just a book … [it’s] an opportunity to become part of that magical day … to take a step closer to the woman who is still alive to so many throughout the world … [to] join that shy girl as she made her hesitant way down the aisle.”

OH MY GOD! What tripe! SHE’S DEAD OK!!? Get over it! You’re never going to be a princess, stop dreaming, stop living vicariously through her – it’s weirding me out! Don’t you remember? The story doesn’t have a ‘happily ever after’! Lucky, it’s not you! (Shame it’s not you)

You’re lucky it’s Boris Yeltsin!

Post-Mortem: For the record I’m neither for nor against the woman herself. Unless she’s does return zombie-style! That would be so very cool.

23
Sep
07

Be Climate Conned

Don’t be climate conned by Nuclear Energy or John Howard 2007

More barrel-fish shooting over here at LBYiD!, to counter Lib’s propaganda machine, which seems to be in overdrive at the moment. You may have noticed their moronic “Be Climate Clever” ads making your TV feel dirty. We hope you’re not buying the ol’ green-washed uranium mining / nuclear energy lobby line they’re pushing! Read “Is nuclear power part of Australia’s global warming solutions?” by Professor Ian Lowe AO, ACF President, to hear an opposing view.

To summarise (in case you’re lazy like me):

  1. The economics of nuclear don’t stack up. The real cost is so much more expensive than any other renewable.
  2. Nuclear is too slow an option to respond to climate change. Even if they start building them tomorrow it will take 15 – 25 years to start pumping the juice out.
  3. Remember: building nuclear power plants and mining uranium are NOT carbon neutral activities kids.
  4. Uranium is a finite resource and there’s only about 50 years worth of the stuff in the ground (to meet global demand).
  5. Danger Will Robinson! Danger! Ola terroristas!
  6. Radioactive waste – no acceptable environmental and or economic plan for disposing the glow-in-the-dark stuff has been established yet.

Boris wouldn’t stand for it, I suppose that’s why Howard (that worm!) thinks:

Lucky Boris Yeltsin is Dead!

Photo courtesy of
Michal Brcak.

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09
Sep
07

Do you want a side of judgement with that?

I hate my video store.

It is one of those sanctimonious video stores loved by film students and other wankers. The DVDs come with a screed on the back of the case which apologises for the presence of new release videos in the store. The DVD case recommends that you choose something recommended by the store’s knowledgeable staff or something from the “classic” section at the back of the store (apparently all highly recommended).

Last weekend, I decided to take the DVD case’s advice. I chose a new release (baby steps, ok?) titled, “Idiocracy“. I chose it because:

(a) it had a little tag on it which said that it was recommended by the staff;

(b) I can cop a tip; and

(c) it had Luke Wilson in it. Luke is only one degree from Owen, and you know how I feel about him (let’s face it, I’d be happy to be 180 degrees with them both)

The premise of “Idiocracy” is this: because only stupid people are breeding, everyone in the future is an idiot. Luke Wilson and a hooker get frozen by the Army and when they wake up, they are the smartest people in the world.

And it was shit. I mean, it ended with Luke Wilson becoming the President of the USA and marrying the hooker (every President’s dream) – they have children, too [oh, shut up about spoilers – this outcome is anticipated from the first 2 minutes of the film. By the way, Darth is Luke’s father; Bambi’s mum gets shot by a hunter and dies; Rachael and Ross get together; Solent Green is people.]

It infuriates me that this bloody video store is so self-righteous that I was guilted into following their dodgy advice. What’s worse, this same store recommended to me a film about a guy that gets frozen and then wakes up in the future with whacky results — and just the week before they had JUDGED ME FOR WANTING TO RENT ENCINO MAN.

They are so

Lucky Boris Yeltsin is Dead

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